Gossip...

I have always struggled in this area. I think a lot of women do. I recently realized that it has been rearing it's ugly head recently. I have decided to take an active stance against it in my own life. I have found that a good way to go about this is to study the problem so that I can recognize it more readily. Let us begin shall we??

First... What exactly IS gossip?? Is it relating any story or situation?? Maybe only the ones that the particular someone wouldn't want repeated?? Maybe it is talking out of hand?? If I am "venting" to a friend is that gossip?? It seems to be a "cloudy" area, and I'm not a fan of overcast conditions.

According to Wikipedia gossip is...

Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It forms one of the oldest and most common means of sharing (unproven) facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information transmitted. The term also carries implications that the news so transmitted (usually) has a personal or trivial nature, as opposed to normal conversation.

Normal Conversation ... allow people with different views on a topic to learn from each other... A successful conversation includes mutually interesting connections between the speakers or things that the speakers know. For this to happen, those engaging in conversation must find a topic on which they both can relate to in some sense. Those engaging in conversation naturally tend to relate the other speaker's statements to themselves. They may insert aspects of their lives into their replies, to relate to the other person's opinions or points of conversation....

So it seems that it is a fine line between gossip and normal conversation. That being said, one is harmful and the other is not. If you are relating your own experiences with out being nasty about someone else, that is conversation. If you are telling me all about so-n-so's marital problems etc., that is gossip and could potentially hurt someone.

Now that I have a definition I can turn to my Bibles to determine the rest. What does the Bible say about it?? Here is what I have found... (for those who are KJV only, I believe it uses "idle tongue" but I could be mistaken. You can just look up these verses in your personal Bible to compare them.)

Proverbs 11:12-13 (NIV)

¹² A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor,
but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

¹³ A gossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

So a gossip doesn't keep trusted secrets. Have you been guilty of this?? "Don't tell anyone but..." I have. Lord forgive me this sin and help me to never repeat it again!!

Proverbs 16:27-29 (NIV)

²⁷ A scoundrel plots evil,
and his speech is like a scorching fire.

²⁸ A perverse man stirs up dissension,
and a gossip separates close friends.

²⁹ A violent man entices his neighbor
and leads him down a path that is not good.

I see this as a type of... "defense" mechanism. You keep friends separate by telling them "things" about the other. By extension, they like YOU more than each other. This is a form of passive aggressive behavior.

Passive–aggressive behavior (negative personality trait) is .... a personality trait marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations... It is a defense mechanism, and usually only partly conscious

Proverbs 18:7-9 (NIV)

⁷ A fool's mouth is his undoing,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.

⁸ The words of a gossip are like choice morsels;
they go down to a man's inmost parts.

⁹ One who is slack in his work
is brother to one who destroys.

According to verse 8, gossip sinks into your soul like food goes through your body.

So a gossip is someone who lacks judgment, causes problems, is untrustworthy, perverse, violent, a slacker and a fool!

1 Timothy 5:12-14 (NIV)

¹²Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. ¹³Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. ¹⁴So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.

So we are to keep ourselves busy (as women) taking care of the kids and the house and such. For some that means working outside the home, for others inside the home. The point is to be busy doing things that should be done instead of blabbing on the phone or running around willy-nilly. This is a struggle for me. I would have a phone implant if I could. Fortunately at our currant residence the phone isn't as much of an option since my phone doesn't like it here. Who would have thought that would be a GOOD thing!

People who gossip are to be avoided.

Proverbs 20:19 (NIV)

¹⁹ A gossip betrays a confidence;
so avoid a man who talks too much.

Fights die out without gossip.

Proverbs 26:20 (NIV)
²⁰ Without wood a fire goes out;

without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Have you ever been upset with someone so you call another to "vent"? Do you feel better after getting off the phone?? No, you usually feel WORSE! Take it to God, not the phone, and you will feel better and the quarrel will die out.

Romans 1:28-30 (NIV)

²⁸Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. ²⁹They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;

OUCH!! I certainly do NOT want to be in with THAT crowd!!

So far we have learned what gossip is and what it isn't, what to expect from a gossip and what kinds of people God puts gossips with. I have already admitted that I have this problem. The question now is.. What to do about it??

First, ask God for forgiveness and help. He will help you if you truly want it. Remember that God knows what is in your heart. Next, be actively aware of the conversations you are in. Try to change the subject. If that doesn't work, remove yourself from the situation. If you "can't" then simply don't participate. It's hard to hold a conversation by yourself (though I have seen it happen). If you know someone who is a "known gossip" then avoid them as much as possible if not all together. Remember not to give them information you don't want thrown around because they are an untrustworthy lot. I have been known (recently) to say, "let's change the subject because this isn't who I want to be". You will be rewarded for your efforts. Either your friends will understand and support you, or be offended and not. Either way you can and will overcome this sin!

I hope those of you feeling convicted will take the next step to eradicate this from your lives. Those of you who aren't, well you aren't and that's not my business. I personally felt that being open and honest with family, friends and blog~land was a good first step for me.

TTFN,

Me