Water bugs... Palmetto Bugs... I don't care... they are cockroaches (insert diarrhea inducing shiver) and I LOATHE them!! I would go so far as to say I have a phobia of them. Katsaridaphobia... that's what I've got. Along with Gephyrophobia, a fear of crossing bridges. That one, at least, is getting better since moving to Florida, but the raoches?? Not so much!
We had a run in last night... these roaches and I. A run in that I would consider to be of apocalyptic proportions. It was my own fault. I know better than to leave a 20 pound bag of dog food open in my garage... but they aren't allowed here. Didn't they get the memo?? The story is as follows...
DH and I were outside preparing for the "garage sale that wasn't" when I noticed that the dog was out of food. So I get the dish.... insert my arm into the container up to the elbow... and scoop. Then I start SCREAMING like some bimbo in a B rated horror movie! Something moved!! Something touched me!! My panicked brain new instantly what it was but directed my face over the container just the same. All the while commanding my mouth to scream bloody murder and my legs to carry me far, FAR away at the same instant!
What resulted was an "Elaine Benes Dance Move"...
and a husband who was trying desperately not to laugh while I'm in the yard retching and gagging uncontrollably! Now I'm angry... revenge is all I can think of, and I know just how to do it!!
Here chick, chick, chick...I's gets me some chickens... I's sets 'um near by... and I's turns the dog vittles out...well... my Ol' man turns 'em vittles out...
Did you know, that cockroaches will play dead?? Ahhhh but yes! Think about that for a minute. Let that sink into your brain if you will. What could that mean? Well, obviously it means that they can THINK! UGH!! I'm pretty sure they are plotting to take over the world! Remember "Mimic"? A movie about so called mutant cockroaches who transform themselves and kill people?? I think these bugs are their scouts... that's what I think!!
We stood there, DH and the chickens and I in total amazement at the cleverness of a-for-mentioned bugs. What now?? I went and got a stick that was approximately 100 feet long that's what. A screwed up all the courage I could muster... and... and... touched one!! Then I screamed as I dropped the stick in case the nasty thing started to crawl up it! To late! As soon as it twitched the chickens were all over it like... well... like chickens on a bug!!
Ha HA! you filthy beasts! You nasty critters! You, you... gross..things... and stuff. I tell you, I got WAY to much satisfaction out of making sure that every last one of them became chicken feed. Way to much!
Me
2 comments:
Aaaah yes....the Little Kicks (the epi your clip is from)....one of my fave epis!
I can't say that I wouldn't do the same dance tho--I hate cockroaches too! Sorry you had to go through that, I'm pretty sure I'd have been screaming bloody murder along with you!
DH is still laughing about it. He says it's funny that I thought of retribution so quickly, but I have my doubts!!
Me
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